“If we can’t have sex, then what can we do?” This question often surfaces in a classroom full of young men after hearing the message of chastity. We are without a doubt living in a time where our culture is, to say the least, romantically uncreative. I not only notice it in the students with whom I speak, I remember it in my own high school experience—the idea that sex is the sole fulfillment of our desires. I often explain that sexual desire is a natural and holy thing. It is a gift from God. Yet just like any other gift, our sexuality and our desires can be misused. And because of sexuality’s immense value and intimacy, its misuse can be that much more immensely detrimental. So where do we draw the line? How can we overcome temptation to lust while at the same time overcoming the temptation to suppress and ignore our sexual desires (which in turn is ungratefully ignoring a precious gift from God)?

The line is drawn at a tempering, or self-mastery, of our desires. Permit my humble effort to talk philosophy momentarily. What is a desire? Is it an inner hunger? A need? A mere curiosity? Pope John Paul II speaks on desire through Plato’s terms, using for desire the word eros defined as “the inner power that ‘attracts’ man to the true, the good, and the beautiful”(Theology of the Body 47:5).  The late pope also says that in regards to this eros, when this “passion is set into the whole of the spirit’s deepest energies, it can also become a creative force; in this case, however, it must undergo a radical transformation” (TOB 39:2). We know that our sexual desires can lead us to sin. What we need to realize is that our sexual desires can lead us to holiness once they have undergone a “radical transformation.”

What transformation? How can we ensure for our sexual desire not to turn to lust but instead to a “creative force” of holiness? As a man I appreciate practical examples to iron out philosophical ideas. If a man finds himself wildly drawn to a woman (not uncommon in men’s lives) rather than engaging that impulse towards sexual conquest, man has the ability to redirect that passion, that eros, that desire for the true good and beautiful, upward to God in a simple prayer. “Lord, perfect these desires now to make me a better spouse in the future.” Boom. Impulses turned to prayer. “Lord, use this passion to make me a better man right now!” Even better.  Suddenly a passion for pleasure becomes a passion for sainthood. It is even important to use this drive for goodness and truth and beauty to thrust us to greatness in sports, in work, in academics, in friendships. You want a girl to notice what a stud you are? Use that desire to improve your manhood all around. Push that much harder after school at basketball practice. Read an excellent book to sharpen your intellect. Fulfill the responsibilities expected of you by teachers and parents to build your personal integrity and conviction. Stop settling for weakness or compromises of who you are and what you are called to do. John Paul II speaks on this practice as well: “In order to reach mastery over one’s sexual drive and arousal, the personal subject must devote himself to a progressive education in self-control of the will, of sentiments, of emotions, which must be developed from the simplest gestures, in which it is relatively easy to put the inner decision into practice.” (TOB 128:1) We are enrolled in a “progression” called life. There are lessons, there are tests, sometimes we are late, sometimes we are early, sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail, sometimes we are absent because it was just too beautiful outside (sometimes those days teach us the best lessons). John Paul II says that our self-control is gained from simple gestures powered by an “inner decision”, a firm resolution, a commitment.

“If we can’t have sex, what can we do?” We can become something more. We can sharpen and perfect what God started in us at the moment of our conception. Through a steadfast decision to strive for self-mastery and creative love, we can leave this life with our names etched into the walls alongside Joseph, Augustine, Benedict, Dominic, Aquinas, Moore, Kolbe, and many more.

William Panagakos

Generation Life